Tuesday, May 28, 2019

A Short Walk Through A Long List of Emails

50 Premium Wines For $5.99 plus shipping.
     Thank you for your generous offer, but it's the $235 shipping costs that I'm declining, not to mention I rarely drink.  Maybe you could send a "sample" bottle first.

Charbel Albady, Lawyer to the Stars in the United Kingdom.
     I'm sorry your client died in a terrible automobile accident.  It would be obscene to have the United States confiscate all $29 million dollars unless you give it to the survivors.  I would be happy to help with this monumental task.  Send me the account numbers and a fake I.D. immediately.  I will withdraw the entire amount and deposit it in MY account.  When the time is right, I PROMISE I will give it all back to you upon your request.

Get $15,000 Overnight
     Thank you for your kind offer, but I will soon be the ward of $29 million.

Cannabliss CBD Oil
     If this stuff does what you say, including reversing diabetes, fighting cancer, killing tumors, stopping dimentia and most importantly, eliminating weight gain (probably in my wallet area), I would be most interested.  Please send a huge sample and I'll get back to you.

Chris    My horoscope is ready and it's an odd one.
     No surprise Chris, it's been odd since I was born.  I'm sure it says I will meet Mr. Right next month, but I'm not fooled.  Mr. Right is already married!!!  Besides, you got it wrong.  It should have said I'm coming into the green stuff ... moola ... $29 million dollars.

Man Plus
     I'm sorry, didn't you read the name above??  It says NANCY ... that's a female, in case you were wondering.

Krispy Kreme  Get a $100 gift card!
     Why hello Krispy Kreme!!  Where have you been?  I'm pretty sure all your businesses within 100 miles of me have been closed down.  Although I did enjoy your offerings, I'm now on the latest and greatest Keto diet trying to loose all those lovely pounds you gave me.  Thankfully, Cannabliss has come to my rescue.  Sorry, but I will pass.

DuWayne Putnam Manager   Notification
     Sorry Mr. Putnam, but I'm not clicking on "Notification".  Bad things happen when you do that, like little green men come out and smash your computer with big hammers.  I'm sending you a NOTIFICATION in return.  Just click on the green button!!  hehehehe

THIS email I should have deleted immediately.  It has a recipe for Keto peanut butter cookies, meaning they had no sugar.  What they DID have was peanut butter, an egg, vanilla and Swerve (sugarless sugar).  This must be what the horoscope guy was talking about.

Just because I was sure they would be terrible, I dumped in some peanut butter chips, which totally negated any thought of being sugarless.

I'm here to tell you they were AWFUL.  Friend Cindy is back visiting for a couple of days, and even SHE said they were terrible.  Grainy, crumbly, dry as the sahara desert and tasted nothing like peanut butter.  Thank goodness the recipe only made ten cookies.  There's definitely no worries you will get fat eating these, because you will never EVER eat a second one after you taste the first one.
And don't forget the lovely metallic aftertaste.

Maybe I'll pawn them off on the Magic Kingdom tonight .... YEAH that's what I'll do!!!!!



  1. You sure do get some strange emails, always good for a laugh though.

    1. Yes they are ... and I left off the x-rated ones!!

  2. We don't get as many as we used to but we've all had spam.
    Hoping nobody has any problems after eating those cookies.
    Be Safe and have fun at the Magic Kingdom.

    It's about time.

    1. We only choked down one cookie each. I'm pretty sure the rest won't live long!

  3. Well....if nothing else the cookies LOOK good.

    1. I agree Elva ... they didn't look too bad, except for the two I burned. Tastewise, they were terrible!! LOL

  4. Love your email responses. Thanks for the chuckle this morning.
    Sounds a lot like George's grandsons cookies except mine taste a lot like peanut butter. They don't stay together but they are enjoyable all the same. The difference? I'm not sure. No vanilla in mine.

    1. Way too weird for me. I'd rather cheat with one or two REAL cookies a week than eat ALL of these!!