Nothing Is The Same

As expected, nothing is the same around this house.  There's no routine any more because it was all centered around my kid.  I'm wandering around aimlessly, not the least bit interested in anything.  If there was a human around, it might be easier, but as I said, Cooper stuck with me longer than the husband. 

Kitters tries to help I suppose, but the cat hair is epic.  This is one brushing worth and she gets brushed several times a day.  What's up with that?  Chef Patty used to tell me about the cat hair from their two, but I never noticed.  THIS is just ridiculous!!

So now you will be inundated with CAT pictures.  The coffee table is apparently not comfortable enough.  If there is something on the table, she's lying on it.

I now have to put Cooper's blankets on everything to keep cat hair off the quilts and the chairs.  

This is the morning gopher hunt.  Lizards come later when they sit out in the sun to warm up.  By the way, I found a lizard tail in the spare bathroom yesterday, so be careful where you step.  No telling where the rest of him is.

I've really not been eating much.  There's no one to share little pieces of chicken with while I eat BLT tacos.

The solar cleaning guy showed up just before I left for accounting work.  Luckily he can reach them from the ground with his automatic scrubbing machine.  I have to admit, these panels have saved me a lot of money!!  At this point it is about $15,000 in three years.  Not bad!!

All clean and shiny!  There's another set of panels on the side of the garage.  

Accounting was the usual nightmare.  I keep telling my replacement to double check the account number every time.  She did not, and kept putting expenses in the wrong account, so when we went to reconcile against the bank statement, nothing was there.  That wasted quite of bit of time searching for what we knew she had added.  Putting in the wrong date didn't help either.  It was a long four hours before I got home.  

I would have given anything to see this face when I got here, but it was not to be.  

I'm taking off in the van this morning, heading North for just one night.  It will give me at least two more starts on the dumb thing while I visit with Cyndae.  I'm not sure this is going to help since I'm not really in the mood to do anything, but I guess it's worth a shot.  

I'll let you know how it goes ......................

Thank you everyone for hanging in there with me.  I appreciate it so very much!

Bingo Didn't Help .....

It's just too quiet around here.  There was no tapping on my shoulder this morning to go outside ... no barking for morning snacks ... just the clang of the doggie door and a quiet little MEW.   I think she's just after food, but it's company, so I oblige.  She's staying in most all day now, most likely due to the heat.  We are in the mid 90's and it's HOT.

I tried to get out for a run, but I wasn't really feeling it.  I don't seem to be feeling much of anything other than heartache.  This guy squawked at me when I went by.  It seems they are all running loose now.  they have been spotted all over the neighborhood, as far as two miles away.

Just to the left of him these gorgeous flowers are blooming like crazy.  It's weird, I have never seen this hedge bloom.  I turned around and headed home.  I'm just not motivated one little bit.

Bingo time came around with more tears.  Absolutely everything reminds me of Cooper.  Don't need to leave the TV on, he's not here.  Don't need to leave the lights on, he's not here.  It just goes on and on.

It's a little better around people ... except several friends came up and hugged me, causing even more tears.  I think it's the loneliness that bothers me the most.  I have never been good at that my entire life.

I helped my Kitchen Gal with her cheesecake desserts, just trying to keep busy.  We made the biggest mess ever because she didn't cool them down in the freezer before slicing.  It looks like someone stomped through the middle of every container, but no one cares because it tastes so GOOD!

We chopped tomatoes, SLICED tomatoes, drained jalapeños, and generally made a big mess of the kitchen.  I left her to clean it up!  Since I'm not setting up the entire room any more, I headed upstairs for some popcorn and a coke.  That was dinner.  Food just doesn't sound good any more.

I was rather late getting started, but my best gal was counting for me and we talked puppies.  She just lost her two poodles about a year ago.  Lucky for her, she has four golden doodles to take their place.  

It went pretty well with 137 players, many of whom have never played before.  We still have the BIG jackpots waiting to be won.  It's weird, we have never EVER gone this long without both of them being won.  That is definitely bringing in the crowds.  

There were the usual complaints about I'M FIRST IN LINE, WHY IS SHE GETTING HER CARDS!!  My standard statement is THERE IS NO FIRST IN LINE.  Whoever gets to the door first, is first in line.  If I have people helping me set up, they can pick their cards.  You want to be first?  Come help me set up.  Besides, even if you are first, you never win, so there's that .........  No seriously, those four women who complain, never win!!

There were a few LOUD entertaining parts where the caller forgot a free number or miscalled a number.  He just broke up with his girlfriend of many years, so he got a reprieve, at least from the workers.  It's bad if you call a wrong number, because they mark them instantly.  Moans and groans ensued, followed by a whisper of BINGO.  If you have bingo, you better yell it at the top of your lungs or you will not get paid.  I paid out $250 for each of 22 games.

That was it for the night.  No flaming torches, just a few pitchforks on this night.  I caught this picture just before heading out the back door, reminding me to get my camera out when I got home.  I don't think this happens very often.

When I looked up and saw this, I pulled over and snapped a quick picture with my phone.  I don't think the moon has ever looked this close in my lifetime.  I didn't see Mercury, but the other three were very visible, in fact much brighter and closer than the picture.  By the time I got home, none of them were visible.

This was waiting for me.  She's always very quiet, and always watching me.  She's behind me as I type.  I try to pet her a lot, but it's just not the same.  

Nothing is ever going to fill the hole left by this guy.  He's after that pork on the plate, even though the exact same thing is in his dog bowl.  He didn't get but a few tiny bites from most every meal I had, and only the meat. 

Always after that ball ......... because HE pulled the pillow over it to hide it first.

Once again, thank you everyone for the kind thoughts.  I look forward to reading your comments every day.  It really does help me cope with losing my best friend in the whole wide world.  

PUPPY PRINTS

 Well here I am sitting at my computer crying once again.  I would tell you what I did yesterday, but I don't remember.  I DO remember feeling sore from the Sunday's run, so I tried to come up with something else to do.  I had nothing.

I finally posted about Cooper on Facebook, whereupon my neighbor responded with lots of pictures.  She sent these to me right away.  You see her puppy Halo and Mr. Cooper used to run around like crazy in my front yard.  

They would play racehorse all over the front lawn together.  You can tell because both of them are panting for air!  

Halo loved Cooper so much that when he was let outside, he would make a beeline for my front door and peek through the window to see where Cooper was.  He would bark and cry until I went to the door and let Cooper out to play.  They were Best Buds!!

I did a couple loads of laundry and wandered around the house before deciding to do a little cleaning.  You know it's pretty bad when I drag out the vacuum cleaner.  That's when it really fell apart.  Everywhere I went on the hardwood floor, I saw Cooper's footprints from coming in every morning with wet feet.  I'm never washing these floors again so I can always have him with me.

Kitters has become a pain in the buttinsky.  I suppose she knows something is off, and she just will not leave me alone.  

She is in my face constantly, and if not, she's stalking me.  She used to stay outside most of the time.  Maybe it's just because the temps are up in the high 90's now.  She's right behind me at this moment, just like in this picture.

I finally decided to give my longarm another shot.  Did I mention the first time I tried it after the maintenance/repair, it froze up and gave me motor errors?  Pretty frustrating since I just paid a chunk to get it fixed.  I wasn't feeling like a hassle, but I turned it back on and tried to finish off the row.  Surprisingly, I got that one done.

Little did I know, that the BACK of the quilt where I had the previous problem, had wads of thread so bad that I had to take it out for several inches.  Getting the machine to go back to the exact point and restitch that section was harder than I thought.  At last I figured it was done, but when I took it off the longarm, I discovered this little section that I missed.  Oh well .. it's not all that noticeable, and it can't be fixed now.

I'm disappointed since I liked the borders on this one so much.  I'm not sure it's going to be given away.  I doubt anyone will notice since when off the frame, it took me a while to even find it.  If nothing else, it kept me occupied for a couple of hours.

An hour later, I came unglued just sitting here alone.  I called my Elks girlfriend and went over to her house for the rest of the afternoon.  Thank goodness for good friends.  

I've got Bingo tonight and another five quilts to quilt, so maybe I can keep busy enough so I don't have a meltdown.  I never imagined it would be this bad.

Trying To Cope

 Thank you everyone so very much for all the wonderful Cooper thoughts.  I just never in a million years thought it would be this bad.  I knew he was so much older than most pups, and I tried to prepare myself, but it was useless.  I just can't stop crying, I miss him so very much.

He was a huge part of my life.  I got up to let him out, to cook him breakfast, to take him for a walk outside ... he was my constant companion.  And now I don't know what to do.  I just sit there.  So my blog is going to be pretty crappy for awhile, and I apologize for that.  I just can't seem to get it together right now.

I did go out for a run to try and stop the tears.  It didn't work, but I got in a little over two miles.  

On Saturday I had a birthday/anniversary party to attend.  I should have stayed home.  As soon as I saw my bingo friends, I started sobbing.  They were very kind, and I did my best to carry on a conversation and eat the carne asada tacos that were very good.

About 80 people were there, most of whom I did not know, so I only took a couple of pictures.  These are two of the best bingo volunteers we have.

Back home I fell apart again.  It's things like shutting my bedroom door ... oh, I don't have to do that any more.  Maybe it's just my age, but nothing has ever bothered me this much in my life.  Everyone says to get another puppy, but I don't think I could go through this again.  

If you all don't mind, I will be posting a picture of him here and there.  I don't know why they can't live forever!

Kitters did her best to distract me.  In fact, she has been bothering me relentlessly all day long.  Maybe she knows.  She hasn't left my side in the last two days.  What a pain she can be when it comes to being brushed.

And of course she brought me a present.  Poor little lizards, I feel so bad for them.  I think this is number 7 that now lives out in the front yard.  I'm not sure they survive ... maybe there are 7 DEAD lizards out front.

Big sigh ... I picked up all the rugs and carpets, stashing them in the garage.  All his leashes and toys are stacked on the fireplace mantle.  If I could keep busy, I would feel better, but alas, nothing is working. 

I did drive the van ... only four cold starts to go.  And I tried to finish that same quilt, but the program screen froze up (that's what happens when you upgrade and upgrade) and I got motor errors right and left, so nothing on the longarm works.  Seems nothing is going right in my world at the moment.  

You know that feeling when you want a distraction ... to go somewhere ... but you can't think of any place to go?  That's me right now.  

Thank you again everyone for your kind words ... they mean so very much to me!!  I'll try to get my act together!!!

MR. COOPER

The love of my life .... Mr. Cooper .... who stuck around with me longer than any husband ever did.  He was the sweetest boy ever, following me everywhere, from Alaska to Maine and back.  I could not have asked for a better partner in crime.   

He absolutely LOVED those little green and yellow balls, rolling it to you with his nose so you would roll it back to him.  He was a quite the expressive little guy.

I was able to get him in to see the best Vet in the county, who said the instant he saw him, that Cooper was in heart failure.  I became completely undone.  I don't know what I'm going to do without him.  I cannot even begin to describe the heartache.  

Thank you for all the heartfelt words ... I appreciate it so very much!!

Rest in peace my little boy ... I will miss you more than words can ever say.

MR. COOPER (COOP)

10/24/2009 - 6/12/2026

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I'm Devastated

 I lost my sweet little Cooper Boy late yesterday.