I Have No Words ....

It's been a rough week.  I'm really not afraid of insects and bugs, honest, but this has been the week from H-E-Q-Q!!  Much as I DO enjoy the lightning and rainstorms, I'm not at all happy about the critters that come out of nowhere to harass and scare the life out of me.

They're laughing, I know they are.  Let's see if we can scare her today!  Have you ever had that moment when you do something really dumb, then look around to see if anyone was looking?  ALL the critters were looking and they were laughing!!

So first off I encountered two of these guys, lovely three inch long scorpions.  Everyone told me these were NOT the bad guys.  The smaller ones the color of the concrete are MUCH worse.

When I spotted this baby crawling on the window ... ON THE WINDOW ... I thought I had seen it all!!  What, he has suction cups on his feet?  He was crawling up the glass, but at least on the OUTSIDE.  He's now deceased, may he rest in peace.

Yesterday I was chased inside by this dragonfly thing.  He only stood still long enough to get this picture before flying directly into my hair.  I did 45 minutes of aerobics in ten seconds before I got him extracted.  Unfortunately, he was a little worse for wear.  I'm sure there are still a couple of wings in my DOO!!

I went to the guest bathroom to check in the mirror, and to my HORROR, there's another of those big spiders INSIDE THE HOUSE .. ON MY BATHROOM DOOR!!!!  I'm sure the neighbors heard me scream.  

I grabbed the flyswatter and tiptoed back to the door, took careful aim and WHAP!!!!  He disappeared.  OH NO!  Now what do I do??  I carefully pulled the door towards me to look on the back side.  He wasn't there either.  I panicked!!  I ran to the bedroom, threw on my cowboy boots (resulting in a lovely ensemble with my spaghetti strap nightgown) and went on the hunt.

Come to find out, he had slipped underneath the bottom of the door.  I swiped with the flyswatter making him slide up the back of the door.  WHAP!!  WHAP!!  WHAT!!  Dead ... he's DEAD!!  I did a little victory dance.  By now the puppies think I've completely lost it.  By the way, this picture was taken with my long lens camera from about 20 feet away.

Now overheated from all the exertion, I walked into the kitchen and turned on the ceiling fan.  Something fell from the sky, causing me to flail like I was on fire before almost falling on my butt when I tripped over the kitchen rug.  OMG!!! ANOTHER SPIDER!!  I am now officially freaking out!  WHAP WHAP!!!!  Really, I think he was already dead because I can hear the snickering from the corners of the kitchen.

How are they getting inside???  Feeling rather proud that I now had SIX marks on the wall (one for each dead critter), I plopped on the couch for a few text messages with Miss Patty.  That's when I saw it.  OMG PATTY ... there's something on my kitchen floor?  NOW WHAT?????  

I quickly ended the conversation before it scuttled under something where I couldn't reach.  I grabbed the flyswatter and snuck up on it like a great white hunter after a man eating tiger!!  WHAP!! WHAP!! WHAP!!  I hit it four more times, just for good measure.

That's funny, it didn't move or even change shape, as in smashed flat as a pancake.  I inched closer.  This one is going to be hard to kill.  I finally stomped it with my boots before gingerly picking it up with with the thickest hot pad I could find, along with my leather gloves.  I was taking NO chances.  

That's when I heard the roar of laughter as I looked around the kitchen.  How embarrassing!!  I have no words.  It's a cocklebur.  I just killed a cocklebur, you know, those pesky man killing seeds from outside.  How it got in the house, I'll never know.  Cooper is probably the culprit here.  After disposing of it outside, I fell on the couch exhausted.  

Jessie opened her eyes long enough to give me THIS look ... like what the heck is wrong with YOU??

I'm determined the critters will NOT get the best of me!!  That is until I run across a snake like the one I was shown last night.  One of my neighbors went outside to find a long red snake perched six feet up in a tree.  That would probably be the death of me ... I would have a heart attack!!  Thankfully red racers are not poisonous.  Maybe I'll be lucky enough to photograph one for you.     NOT!!!  

Poker was great.  I lost all my chips and half my butt.  GREAT people, lots of fun and wonderful smoked ribs.  It doesn't get any better .... unless that is, all the creepy crawlies would just disappear off the face of the earth!!!  I'm making a holster for my fly swatter.  I'm going to be the fastest WHAP in the west!!