Blinded By The Light

Yesterday was wash-the-rig day.  Wouldn't you know, I would pick the hottest day of the year to try and clean the muck off.  The weather guessers said 105.  The RV is not dirty as in mud from the road, it's dirty from the gunk that streams off the roof after a rain.

You can barely see it in this image, but trust me, it looks like someone dunked it in drippy frosting and let it run down the sides.  This is NOT an easy task.  I gathered up all my supplies along with a few towels and began work at 6:30 am.

Using my trusty windshield washer, I scrubbed the side in the shade four feet at a time, then rinsed, followed by a squeegee (just turn the washer around) and a quick towel dry.  The washing pad is removable, whereupon I wrap a clean towel around the end and use it to dry off the water spots from my too hard water.  

Whoever came up with the idea to paint the top of this rig black should be staked out on an ant hill.  The white gunk against the black paint is a lesson in contrast.  Don't worry about that pulled muscle on my right side, I'm sure it will heal up in a year or two.

But wait ... there's a problem.  There is a 12 inch space ABOVE the slide out covers that I can't reach.  It's almost completely white.  I guess I'll have to climb up there after all.  

Yes, I should have washed the entire roof first, but it's scary up there, dragging a 50 pound water hose around.  I just didn't want to do it.  What I DID do was take my already wet rags and hang over the edge trying to wipe off all the gunk I could.  I was practically laying down on my stomach.  The less hanging over the edge, the better!  

I've considered covering the roof with some product, but that would mean washing it well, drying it, then perching on top while spreading something around.  TWICE!  It would probably be worth it.

As I started down the second side, I was blinded by the light from the sun.  I tried to hang out under the fifth wheel hitch on the horse trailer or stay very close to the rig.  That resulted in a nice goose egg on my head and me getting soaked with dirty water as it dripped off the washer onto my hair.  I'm sure my sight will return in a week or two.

A few feet further along, as I hit the black paint with cold water, steam began to emanate from the side.  I rather doubted that would work well, so I stopped for the day with about 1/3 left to wash.

I bandaged up my possibly broken toe from tripping over the hose and plopped on the couch with a Pepsi.  I earned it.  I even ate TWO peanut butter cookies, just so I could get up enough energy to feed the critters.  

THIS morning ... like right now ... I'll limp back out and try to finish the last bit.  

So Many Errands To Run ......

I'm a procrastinator when it comes to running errands.  Fuel is up to $4.90 a gallon, so if it's not absolutely necessary, I put off going to town and running errands until there's not enough time in the day to get them all done.

I contemplated that fact as I admired my beautiful whatever these are.  There are so many different shades on this bush and they are blooming like crazy.  I love it!!

Okay, I can't wait any longer.  I gathered up my long list, the stack of envelopes that had been delivered to my mailbox and a couple of bank statements.  First off ... fill the Jeep with gas, a whopping $55 worth even though I had a quarter tank to begin with.  

Next, drive to town and deposit six huge garbage bags full of donations to Goodwill.  They are not on my list of good donation sites, but they are the only one around here.  

My credit union was the next victim.  Once a month I transfer money from one to the other.  They have been doing it for four years.  Last month I received an email saying the transfer did NOT go through.  I reread it four times because I was sure that was not correct.   An hour later, having walked back and forth between the two side by side businesses, no one had any idea where the $65 went.

Well that went well .... as I drove to the next one .... Bank of America.  Not my least favorite ... but certainly down the list.  At any rate, I needed a new pin number for my debit card which I never use, except for that ONE time I needed to deposit cash.  Taking a picture of it with your phone just doesn't work like taking a picture of a check.  They tried to sell me TWO more credit cards.  I declined.

Time for a break as I returned to the house and let the puppies out.  I scarfed down a quick smoked chicken sandwich (yummy) and headed back out, this time in the truck.  Prime Shine Car Wash was my first stop on this leg.  Cool how the colors of soap reminded me of my flowers.

Clean as a whistle for $10.  Yup it's a drive through, but one of the best I've ever seen.  When I was in college trying to get my degree in accounting, we studied his business plan.  Starting from nothing, he's a multi-multi-millionaire who lives in a tiny town just down the road.

Okay ... I put it off as long as possible.  It's time to go confront the dreaded POST OFFICE!!  I had my stack of envelopes ready to pounce.  Hi he said ... you are 690 (not my real number).  Yes I am and I'd like to know why you returned all those packages I had sent to my house.

He looked confused.  "They must have had the wrong address."  No, they had the right address because I had them read it back to me.  There's no reason for you NOT to deliver to my house since I have my new mail box installed.  Look at all THESE letters with the exact same address that you DID deliver.  

To my shock, he said they SHOULD have been delivered, even if I had a P. O. Box.  He wrote everything down including the name of the girl staying at my house (remember I changed the delivery name, hoping that would work) and said he would file a complaint for me.  

Wow ... that was easy.  He said the regular mail delivery person was back from vacation and he would be sure they delivered to my home address.  We shall see what happens.  I'm sure this will not be the end of the story.

On my way home, since I had received an email from Walmart telling me my order was ready for pickup, I made that my last stop.  I even had the notice and bar code pulled up on my phone.  Don't they just scan it?  Nope ... he typed it in and nothing appeared.  He tried the name.  Nothing.  Oh come on ... you sent me an email saying it was here!!

After fifteen minutes, he couldn't find a thing.  "It's probably still on the truck parked outside".  Why oh why would you send me a notice that it was available for pickup when you still have two hours to unload the truck and check boxes in?  I have to tell you, this has NEVER happened in Arizona.

So I left without my package, totally frustrated.  It didn't help that two minutes after I got home, they called to say "your package is in!!"  Grrrrrrrrr

The best news of the day is that the infernal machine is holding it's memory.  I'm sure that's because I give it the stink eye about every three hours, just so it knows who is boss.

The only thing left on my list is to wash the rig.  It will be back on the road before too long and I don't want it looking like a homeless home.  Too bad there isn't a Prime Shine Car Wash for big rigs.

Back To Barbecue .....

I left the infernal machine sitting on the counter ...... alone.  My plan was to ignore it as long as possible.  That was a pretty hard task since it's huge and takes up half my kitchen working space.  I put him in time out.

In the meantime, back to barbecue.  As I mentioned, I picked up these two chickens for cheap at Walmart.  Not my usual meat shopping location.  These however, are Foster Farms chickens, probably the third most popular enterprise in my extended neighborhood, right behind drug smuggling and stolen cars, to Hilmar and Joseph Farms Cheese production.

I prepped them with a little maple syrup-brown sugar-smoked paprika mixture and popped them in the smoker.  It just so happened that THIS time I flipped through the direction manual that came with it.  Never leave the vent closed when the smoke is on.  Okay then ..... that's why all that horrible black buildup around all the edges and every tiny air hole.  Who knew?

I wondered what was causing all that.  I spent a few minutes trying to jack hammer it off, to no avail. Now I know better.

Five hours later I had two plump juicy gorgeous chickens sitting on my counter.  I put them in time out too for thirty minutes, hoping there would be at least SOME juice left.  You see when I punctured them with the thermometer, juice literally came shooting out like a geyser.  

In no time, I had them all cut up, waiting for the food saver machine.  I snacked on all the little bits from the carcass.  Let me tell you, they were beyond words.  Delicious, fabulous, tasty, wonderful morsel of juicy meat.  

That's when I remembered just how much trouble it is to clean up the smoker grills and grates.  They should make throwaways for this thing.  Back to the food saver.

Since I had figured out how to make bags that were open at one end, I filled them up and sucked out the air.  Again, all the juice went with it.  I noticed on the front of the machine, a button that said MOIST.  I hoped that meant it would leave at least a little moisture in the bag.  It did.  The resulting mess of juice all over the machine was half what it was last time.

It all went in the freezer until yesterday morning when I pulled one out to defrost.  It was just like fresh off the barbecue.  This Food Saver thingy is magic.  Thank you to everyone who has told me to get one over and over for the last three years.  I LOVE IT!!!

After preparing breakfast for everyone (me, the dogs and Jonathan) I fixed another cup of java and sat down in front of the infernal machine.  I quickly perused the instruction book trying to jog some of those old dead brain cells into remembering how the heck I programmed it last time.  

It was lots of trial and error, since the instructions (in five different languages) didn't make any sense at all.  I finally just blasted ahead full steam hoping for the best.  It was a little rough at first since you have to hit the Text key either once or four times depending on whether you want numbers or letters.  

I tested the first button.  Success!!  Yay, I'm on a roll.  Two hours later I did a test run and it appeared to work, until I ran out of paper tape.  No tape, no worky.  Once back at the Elks Lodge with lots of extra paper, I'll run a couple more tests to make sure all is well.  Woe be to the person who even THINKS about touching this infernal machine again!!!

Lots to do today ... fight with the post office, drop off clothing donations, return a pair of shoes,  and air up the tires on my Jeep before hitting the grocery store.  I hope you have a wonderful Thursday.  It is Thursday, right?

LIGHTNING STRIKES!!

Just when you think all is well .... the birds are tweeting in the trees, the sun is shining brightly in the sky and the flowers in your yard are all blooming beautifully (like you're in Camelot) ...... BAM!!!   LIGHTNING STRIKES!!

I should have known better.  Everything was just too fine while I was upstairs with the troops having a coke.  I was thrilled that the Castle Lawyer would be back to help me.  We even went downstairs early to set up.

I unplugged the infernal machine (it always has to have electricity to eat or it will die a horrible death) and hauled it to the table.  That's funny ..... it says General Resetting.  I hit the escape key.  Nothing happened.  I hit it again.  Nothing.  I tried it ten times in a row.  A terrible feeling began to creep up the back of my neck.

Seriously??  I hit every key on it and nothing happened.  I unplugged it, waited a few seconds and tried it again.  Repeat, repeat.  Nothing.  Please ... PLEASE ... this is supposed to be a good night!  Where are the control-alt-delete keys on this thing?

Desperate, I dug out the instruction book.  There was absolutely nothing about it freezing up.  The infernal machine has done it to us again.  The only note in the book said to unplug the cord and take the two batteries out.  That meant it would completely erase ALL the programming, rendering it completely useless.

The Castle Lawyer went upstairs and got herself a large glass of wine.  With no alternative, I finally did the deed.  It died a horrible death ... a heart attack I imagine ... but the drawer finally opened.  I tentatively pushed a button to see if it would magically work.  Nope ... not happening.  All the air went out of my sails.

Here he is in all HIS majesty, the bleeping infernal machine.  So that meant I had to do all that calculating and cashiering by hand.  It pretty much slowed down our routine.  To my great surprise, the peasants were very understanding, letting us know if they thought we were wrong so I could add it up again.  At least I had a calculator, but it was faster to do most of it in my head.

The Castle Lawyer said if it was her, she would just go home.  No I said ... we can do this!!

It was a really long night however.  The good news is that I didn't have to balance to anything.  It was what it was.  The bad news is we had no idea how much we collected, and therefore how much to pay out.  We also didn't have a count of the peasants for the bookkeeping part of the equation.  

That's when a latecomer made a comment about "oh yeah, I told them this morning they had to plug it back in and not leave things piled on top of it".  REALLY?  Who's been messing with the equipment in the safe??  I never did find out who THEM were.  Probably a good thing or I would have read them the riot act!!

The infernal machine came home with me.  I now have to re-program it from scratch.  When we bought it originally, I think it took me two days.  It's not an easy process.  I figure it will take FOUR days ... two to just remember how the heck to do it!!  If only I had a shotgun, the infernal machine would be toast!!

Maybe some breakfast cake will zing my brain cells into action!!  I'll let you know how it goes.

Sucking Out The Air

After having tasted the wonderful burnt ends in the vacuum sealed package from Costco ... frozen no less ... I decided to break out my smoker again.  I just LOVE smoked pork and chicken.  Unfortunately it doesn't like ME all that much, so being able to keep it in the freezer is a good thing.

Previously I either put it in those blue plastic tubs, letting air and ice surround every bite, or I would use zip lock bags.  Did you know you could close that bag all but one inch, then suck the air out yourself?  Yeah, I almost choked on a small piece that came with the air one time, but it works kinda sorta.

The other trick is to place the bag in a big bowl of water.  As you lower it in, the air comes out.  Neither way is anywhere near as good as the Food Saver.  It was cheaper on Amazon than at Walmart, but I'm mad at Amazon AND the Post Office.  There were TWO choices at Walmart ... $187 or $99.  This is the cheaper of the two.  When I say cheap, I mean plastic, lightweight cheap.

Not being terribly mechanically inclined, this was my first attempt at saving the cake I brought home from breakfast.  Of COURSE we had cake!!!  Isn't that breakfast food?  A big failure!!!  Hahaha not really, I dropped it getting out of my truck in the garage.  It was a sad moment.

This smoked pork was my first victim.  It came out perfect ... smoky goodness I definitely wanted to keep in the freezer.

The Food Saver came with lots of extra bags, most WAY too large for me, but at the bottom of the pile I found these reusable bags.  Zip loks with a hole at the top to be used with the accessory tool. 

First, I had to get the handle on the far right to move up to "seal".  It wouldn't go.  Not wanting to break the thing before I even used it, I finally pressed down really hard on the face before it clicked to the "now you can seal something" position.  

Then you take the accessory tool, also good for closing bottles of wine and expensive canisters, and place it over the small hole on the bag.  Push the accessory button.  To my great surprise, it worked!!  Next up, try making a few bags from the big roll.  That didn't go quite as well.

According to the directions, I sealed the end of the bag, then pulled it out.  It said to "seal again".  Well that didn't work because I couldn't open the bag!  Next I tried sealing the bag and cutting it with the handy dandy knife thingy.  I got a bag about two inches deep.  I finally pulled the bag material WAY out, sealed it, pulled on it again, THEN cut it off.  That seemed to work.  Okay, we're in business.

I placed the pork in the bag and watched intently as it sucked all the air AND juice out and right into the machine.  I couldn't turn the off handle fast enough.  What a mess!!  I don't remember that ever happening with my old machine.  

I spotted a "moist" button, which I assumed would leave a little juice behind by not sucking the air out quite so hard or so long.  That seemed to work better, although I still had a mess to clean up.  That was some juicy smoked pork ... at least it WAS juicy before sucking the life out of it!

All cleaned up, I was feeling like I had a brand new car and I wasn't driving it.  I went straight to the store and bought two big chickens for 97 cents a pound and set the smoker back up.  Soon I'll have succulent smoked chicken to test drive in my new toy.  I can't wait!

In the meantime, it's back to the Magic Kingdom of Bingo.  Thank goodness the King and the Knights have returned, along with the Castle Lawyer.  I would say it's going to be a breeze, but I know better than to tempt fate.  

I'm Sick Of Breakfast

I admit ... that was just too many breakfast cookings in a row.  I never want to see another sausage or egg casserole again.

I arrived at the lodge at 6:30 am (to the consternation of the puppies, again locked up in the bathroom) to find only two guys.  Luckily other volunteers showed up later.  My plan was to stay completely away from the gravy, no matter what.

The cool thing is the ovens.  If you've never worked with commercial ovens, they are a kick.  The warming ovens are another story.  My mechanical skills just couldn't get one to work.  Turns out you have to turn the timer to ON.  Who knew?

First up ... make the casseroles.  Probably three pounds of cooked bacon went into each of seven pans.  Apparently they were expecting a crowd.  That was followed by bell peppers, onions, mushrooms and cheese before three cartons of egg mixture were poured over the top.  This might be pretty tasty!

That was followed up by sausage, linguisa cooked in cheap Carlo Rossi RED wine, biscuits and waffles.  You haven't lived until you've smelled hot Carlo Rossi Red Wine.  Totally a Portuguese thing.  Then the wait began for the fathers.  Surprisingly, there was a steady stream despite this being the first year of indoor Father's Day.  We could have used 100 more.

Yup there was a LOT of food left over.

Just as my feet were screaming it's time to sit down, we had to bag up all the leftovers, minus those six sausages I dropped on the floor.  Some went in the freezer, some in the walk-in for today's lunch, although I have no idea how he plans on using breakfast food for lunch ... and a LOT went home with the kitchen staff.

Not me however ... I don't care if I EVER see another sausage or biscuit.  Every time I turn around, I get the distinct smell of waffles from my hair.  Thank goodness it's not the linguisa!!

Although I had planned on some cooking in MY kitchen, I came home and crashed on the couch.  I guess I never really healed up after the fair because my feet were killing me.  That's when I got the phone call.  That one you KNOW you should not have answered.  They need help next weekend at the PER Brunch.  

In the meantime, I'm taking all your good advice and trying to lower my food bill.  I do keep leftovers in the freezer, but they don't last long.  Those old plastic bowls don't work so well with knife holes poked in the bottom.  It's time for them to go.

It took me awhile to find this baby at Walmart.  I might have ordered it from Amazon, but it would have been sent back for sure.  I scanned the aisles for twenty minutes before accidentally locating it next to the vacuum cleaners.  Really Walmart?  Shouldn't this be in with the kitchen appliances?

For $99 it was NOT a steal, but I should be able to make that back in a short time with the food I save by not throwing it away.  Interestingly enough, Walmart has removed 2/3 of their check stands and installed check-out-yourself stations.  

I wanted to complain about them letting employees go that won't be needed as checkers, but honestly they now have MORE employees helping people check themselves out.  They never had more than two lines (and two employees) open at any one time.  Now there are FIVE employees and I didn't have to wait in line.

Anyway, the operation of this machine will definitely be an adventure.  I've got two pounds of pulled pork just waiting to be my first victim!!

By the way, the mosquito is DEAD DEAD DEAD, smashed to smithereens and run through the garbage disposal!!!!  The Great White Hunter prevails!!!

Vampires In The Night

I'm lucky to be alive and not drained of my blood.  I didn't really sleep well, mostly because I had to babysit my smoker.  Little did I realize it may take 18 hours to smoke a full load, but only half that time for one pork roast.   That meant I had to wake up at midnight and close the vent after the wood unit was empty.

I groggily wandered through the house looking for the back door.  Oooohhh it's nice and cool outside ... and dark.  I couldn't see a thing.  Somewhere in the kitchen I scrounged up a flashlight.  I closed the vent and came back in, tripping over Cooper's ball.  It died as I smashed it flat as a pancake.

Back in bed, you already know I couldn't get back to sleep.  Up again, I took half an Advil PM and listened to the lullaby of a mosquito flying overhead.  I swatted and sprayed bug killer until I was wide awake.

At some point I fell back asleep, just in time to wake up and hit the road for the Elks Lodge.  That's when I started to scratch.  There was the biggest bite EVER on the back of my neck.  Vampires in the night ... I hope she gets sick on my cholesterol filled blood.  She could have sucked me dry!!!

In no time I was searching for that tiny tube of cream the skin doctor gave me for the spider bite.  Take THAT Ms. Mosquito!!  The itch went away, as did the inch high bump.

I should have a bed set up in the back room of the Elks Lodge.  There I was again.  Prep for the big Father's Day Brunch was under way, with all three of us panning biscuits and sausage .. you know the drill.   I got home just in time to receive an email from Amazon.

They reshipped my order to the same address that the Post Office refuses to deliver to.  Seriously???  I went back to the Chat line and told them to cancel the entire order.  Oh no Ajanda said .... just reorder and I remove all shipping charge.

Fine ... I reordered, except they refused to send this fruit bar mold to a post office box.  Are you kidding me?  CANCEL CANCEL CANCEL!!!!  There will be no homemade fruit bars in my house after all.  I'm actually getting rather miffed at Amazon ... MANY items cannot be shipped to a post office box.  Why not???

I will go to the Post Office Monday to get an explanation, if I'm still alive after having most of my blood removed.  In the meantime, the great white hunter is on the move with the biggest fly swatter I could find.  That mosquito is HISTORY!!!

I'm off to the Elks Lodge.

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY TO ALL THE DADS!!!!

What Up DeShon and Justin??

Sometimes you just want to scream.  Even when there's no one around to hear you.  I don't know what happened to Amazon, but they have completely fallen off the good service wagon.

With my mailbox set up and actually receiving some junk mail addressed to me with my home address, I figured to give it a shot.  Of course you know that's truly a shot in the dark with the current state of the Post Office.

I ordered three things from Amazon and had them shipped to a name other than my own, with my home address.  Since the Post Office refuses to deliver to both my P. O. box AND my house, I thought this might solve the problem.  I thought wrong.

Tracking said my three items were delivered yesterday.  Wait ... I was home all day.  Nothing was delivered.  Time to call Amazon and see what's up.  DeShon answered in his thick asian accent.

Okay ... I can fix.  You can hold?   Sure DeShon.

Seems the Post Office with their intelligent employees returned the package saying incorrect address. That's funny, it was the exact same address, word for word, on all the other mail they delivered to me including a refund check.

Can you resend it please?  I'll use the box number instead.  He put me on hold.  Ten minutes later he said the credit card would not go through.  He verified the information (actually the expiration date) and asked me to change it on MY computer, which I did.  Can hold again?

Sure DeShon.  Twenty minutes later I hung up.  Really Amazon?  Who in the world, literally, are you hiring?  They don't seem to be very service friendly and I had a terrible time understanding them.

I called back.  This time Justin answered with an even thicker accent that I couldn't understand at all. Please may I speak to a Supervisor?  Oh no .... I can handle.  Well I'm having a rather hard time understanding your words.  Please, a supervisor?  Oh no ... I can handle.  He put me on hold.

Fifteen minutes later I was ready to pull my hair out.  I screamed at the poor puppies who were sleeping quietly at my feet, hoping Justin could hear me.

That's when I noticed the CHAT feature.  At least I would be able to understand the words, right?  I have no patience for this kind of stuff.  I'm even MORE mad at the Post Office for putting me through all this!!  Why can't they just deliver the mail to this address?

Chiwan:   I can help?

Me:          Yes please, I need to be sure the packages that are being sent out
                 again have the correct address.

Chiwan:  Certainly ... they are going to (insert my home address here).

Me:         That figures.  Please change that to the Post Office box.

Chiwan:  Certainly ... Okay, is done.

Well thank you very much.  I guess I should have hit the Chat button sooner.  Now I will wait with anticipation to see how many times Amazon charges me for the products I ordered and if my credit card information is stolen and sold on the black market.

I'm sure they are outsourcing their customer service overseas, but PLEASE Amazon, that was such horrible service I'm tempted to not ever order anything from you again.

What up DeShon and Justin?  I wish I could get you fired, but I'm sure you and the 25 other people I heard in the background are only working for pennies and could care less about the people on the other end of the line.  I've no doubt it's a cultural difference too, but putting people on hold for inordinate lengths of time is not acceptable.

Unfortunately I now have to go through the same ordeal with the on-line company I purchased a refrigerator filter from.  (Big sigh)

I gathered up all the mail with my name and address and plan on hitting the Post Office first thing Monday morning.  I consider myself extremely lucky to have received the $300 refund check when they are returning everything else.  

I think I will explain to them that I have someone staying in the house while I'm gone who wants to receive mail there.  We'll see what happens.  Surely there is a way around this!!

In the meantime, I'm smoking a pork butt.  So far it's going as well as being on the phone with DeShon.  I discovered after the first hour that the door had come ajar.  Thus the patio table.  This morning it appears I set the temperature to 230 instead of 220.  It shouldn't be a problem, except I have no idea when it will be done.

My trusty thermometer should tell me.  180 degrees is the magic number.  In the meantime, I'm heading back to the Elks Lodge to prepare for Father's Day Sunday Brunch.

Usually held at the Elks RV Park, someone thought it would be too hot for the family celebration, complete with jump houses, games and free beer.  It's been moved inside, minus the jump houses, games and free beer and will now compete with Mother's Day.  Everyone is agrumble (my new word).  Me too as I wait not so patiently for my Amazon order to arrive so I can make my own popsicles ... a replacement for ice cream.  Wish me luck!

Burnt Ends Twice

Summer has arrived.  It's been close to 100 degrees every day for the last week or so.  It's simple to tell what the temperature is, just look at the brown spots on my lawn.  As it gets hotter, they get bigger.  Luckily it's been in the low 70's every morning, just perfect for a cup of coffee outside.

On the way out, I turn on my little tabletop fan and set it in the doorway to blow cool air into the house.  It works really well, taking the inside temps down 8 or 9 degrees with a minimum amount of electricity.  The pups love it too ... they get to roam outside whenever they want after getting up enough hutzpah to sneak past the humming machine.

In case you didn't know, I'm the Queen of Microwave Dinners.  As much as I love to cook, my skills over the years have waned.  When I DO cook something good, I have to eat it for two weeks in order not to be terribly wasteful.  Better to look for single serving sizes.

Here's my latest find while shopping at Costco.  It's a dangerous place to be sure, especially since containers there are made for families of 15 instead of one or two.  However, I LOVE brisket!  So when I found this box, I thought what could be better than burnt ends?

Does that package not look amazingly delicious?  I probably should have checked the price for you, but alas, the ticket is gone and I have no idea what I paid.  

Upon opening the box, I was a little disappointed.  For the weight, it should have served at least four.  Maybe it would serve two?  There was enough barbecue sauce to cover an entire cow, but the meat serving looked a little skimpy.  

I could probably smoke my own.  I began to calculate in my head the cost of a brisket at the store ... they are HUGE and VERY expensive.  Add to that the cost of the food saver I would need to buy and I'm over my head.  Still ... in the long run it's probably cheaper per meal than this.

I put a small serving into my microwave safe bowl and nuked them according to directions.  It smelled just wonderful!!  With another bowl of sauce to dip the meat into, I was instantly in heaven.  It was absolutely wonderful!!  Soft, tender and smoky.  Even the barbecue sauce was tasty.  THIS is a keeper.  Next time I'll pay more attention to the price.   Lucky for me, I even had enough for THREE dinners.

I probably should have quit while I was ahead.  While rummaging in my junk drawer for a skinny screwdriver, I came across my favorite peanut butter cookie recipe.  It must be fate.  I had just picked up a package of peanut butter chips.

Trying to practice patience, I made them according to directions and even remembered to leave the batter in the fridge before cooking.  I couldn't wait.  My mouth was salivating!  Ummmm COOKIES1

Well ...... as you can see, burnt ends are pretty easy to make.  Instead of waiting an hour for my big oven to heat up, I used the smaller Breville.  I also followed the directions, really I did.  375 degrees for 10 minutes.  That was WAY too long.  RATS!!!  The salivating stopped instantly as I contemplated burying them in the cemetery.   

It's pretty hard for me to bury sweets.  I baked the rest at a lower temperature (that's the two on top) and scraped off the burnt ends with a sharp knife.  No use being wasteful.  Funny, Jonathan is not a fan of burnt ends.  I gave him a small bite and he spit it out on the floor.  Oh well, the more for me.

I wrote on the recipe in big letters the new time and temperature.  Next time they will be perfect.

I spent the rest of the day sewing a new project.  I receive directions once a week on line.  Wait till you see my latest!!

Alone With A Fur Ball

Tuesday morning you would have found me still snoozing on the couch.  After my morning cup of fake joe (Maxwell House orange cafe) and a long conversation with Jack (my bird friend), I tossed the ball for Cooper a couple of times and ensconced myself on the couch.  I wanted every opportunity to heal up from the pain of helping in the food booth at the fair.

It didn't last long.  I happened to glance outside to see a geyser shooting high in the sky.  RATS!!  Another broken sprinkler, chopped off by the mow, blow and go crew.  I found it about six feet away.  With my brain still a little mushy, I turned my sprinklers on one station at a time.  That meant running outside every fifteen minutes.

What a dummy ..... after the entire property had been watered, it dawned on me all I had to do was change that station to zero minutes.  The rest would run automatically.   Duh .......

When the hour finally came to head off to the Magic Kingdom, I went with some trepidation.  The Castle Lawyer would again be gone and I'd be in the dungeon with the peasants by myself.  Not only that, but the King and all the Knights of the Round Table would be gone too.  YIKES!!

Make that a DOUBLE coca cola!!!  Everything started out fine and dandy.  The first big onslaught went slow since I had to count all the cards AND run the infernal machine.  Mini-me purred like a little kitten.  Until she decided to cough up a fur ball and freeze up.  

Cancel cancel cancel.  I finally unplugged her from everything and started all over.  With a few pats and "come on baby" she purred back to life.  Now even further behind with a long line of overanxious peasants, I grabbed the next lady and highjacked her into counting for me.  

That was the quiet before the storm when the airline pilot came to call.  To call Bingo that is.  He had a little trouble the week prior.  This is a tough crowd and you better not even think about calling something incorrectly.  They will let you know with a ROAR!!!

Actually I didn't think he was going to come back at all, but come back he did, a glutton for punishment like the rest of us.  If you can fly a 747 bus, or whatever the heck it is, you can handle a bunch of old folks .... be BRAVE!!

He tried, but one wrong number resulted in an uproar.  It wasn't even a game for the big bucks!!  I thought he was going to walk out, but we cajoled the crowd into giving him another chance.  You just don't want to mess with these Bingo aficionados when it comes to CASH!!

We all worked our patooties off since there were only ten members of the court instead of our usual 17.  There was only one big complaint, and that was "I never win with that red ticket".  We give everyone a red ticket (it's "off with her head" if I forget) that gives them a chance in the drawing for a packet of ten pull tabs.  They might win $10!!

I have to say that very sweet lady has been coming here as long as I have, about eight years, and has never won.  Next week I'm buying a packet and giving her a very special red ticket (that I'm keeping the stub from) and her number WILL be called at the next event.  Otherwise, I will continue to listen to the "I never win" complaint.  Think it will work?

At break time ... which there wasn't since I was alone ... I got one of the guys to sit in while I grabbed a heart stopping hot dog of heartburn proportions to get me through the night.  I learned my lesson about not eating while in the food concession at the fair.  

At least this night I didn't have to stay to the very end.  I cashed out the infernal machine, waved goodbye and jumped on my chariot to head home.  There's nothing like a big soft bed at the end of a long day.  At least my little square of it was nice ... Cooper and Jessie take up the major part.  Chalk up another day in the Magic Kingdom.

I Can't Feel My Feet!!

The LAST DAY of the fair and thankfully, the last day of food prep for the masses.  I arrived at the fairgrounds bright and early at 7:30, driving right up to the door like I was somebody.  No quarter mile walk for this kid.  

I discovered the Sheriff already hard at work at the grill.  Today is move-em-out day in the livestock pens and early morning kids need food to get them going.  I was amazed to see Vern frying up racks of chopped up bacon, linguisa and sausage before dumping a bathtub load of potatoes on the grill.  I said hello and immediately looked for a chair to confiscate.

Pretty soon the crowds started showing up in record numbers.  As soon as the kids got back and showed Dad what they were eating, they were ordered back to acquire more of these burritos bigger than frisbees.  

We started out with only four people.  I took orders and handled the cash, these two assembled the goodies and one other lady poured sodas.  We were a lightning fast greased machine!!  There was an occasional hiccup when we ran out of linguisa (loved by all around this neck of the woods) until we found something like 200 more in the back fridge.  Amazingly, there was only one wrong order.

As lunchtime neared, I got out all the burger fixings hoping for a break in the action so I could rest my little feet.  I wore my best running shoes and scooted a large black mat under me.  I'm sure it helped, but not much.  By now, I couldn't feel my feet at all!!  

Finally, the calvary arrived to help out.  One little lady.  Apparently all those other people with sore feet like mine just stayed home.  By mid afternoon with no one else on the horizon, I switched to the other side of the table.  I helped the cook assemble the boats and put together the orders, dressed them with fixin's and hollered out ORDER UP!  

Four of us ran the place all day long and into the night.  In spite of repeated tweets, no one showed up to help.  Lunch for me was a bag of cheetos on the fly.  Although I was hoping for an amazing cheeseburger Elks style, loaded with bacon, onions and mushrooms, it was not to be.  There just wasn't any time, so dinner was the same ... cheetos!!  I took a seat as often as possible.

Fourteen hours later my feet screamed uncle and I reluctantly left.  I hated to leave only three people for another two hours until midnight when the fairgrounds would close down.  

My plan to eat a disgustingly high calorie ice cream creation went by the wayside.  I was either too busy or too tired.  I should make up for that today!!

Monday I could hardly get out of bed.  I felt worse than after running a 26 mile marathon in the hills of San Francisco.  I fed the dogs and crashed on the couch.  A couple hours later, I fed ME and hugged the couch even more.  I've STILL got muscles I didn't know I had!!  Running a restaurant will not EVER be on my to-do list!!

I'll give you the rundown on another night of fun and excitement at the Magic Kingdom of Bingo in tomorrow's blog.  The couch is calling my name!!

Oh How You Make Me Cry

What a crazy few days!  I feel like I got hit by a mack truck and then run over a couple of times just for good measure.  Yup ... me, who prides herself on being in shape is a wreck.

I'm not sure why, but it seems all the lunch programs the Elks put on require a 7:00 am meeting time for preparation.  Yes I do get up at 5:00 every morning, but I don't get dressed or fix my hair until at LEAST 9:00.  It's hard to shift from lounging mode to working your you-know-what off mode.

At any rate, I arrived bright and early just so I could stack over 1,000 pieces of cheese on two sheet pans for ease of removal.  Lets face it ... cheese is sticky.  This happens to be cheddar donated by Hilmar Cheese, located a few miles down the road.  Here's a little tidbit .... did you know Hilmar Cheese produces cheese for Sargento???  Our little dairy cows around here are working overtime.

The menu consisted of hamburgers or cheeseburgers with all the fixings.  Unfortunately for us, the "fixings" included sliced onions.  It was bad enough when the guys PEELED the onions.   When they started slicing them on our machine, it felt like we had all been doused with pepper spray.  Have you ever seen men cry big crocodile tears?  

I felt bad for them ... so I gave them one of my best scuba diving tips.  Open wide and breathe through your mouth.  It's when all that stuff goes up your nose that your eyes water more.  I finally took over the stacking duties since I was the only one not terribly affected.  I'm happy to report I still have all ten fingers.

All that food went to the fairgrounds where the Elks fed over 500 mentally challenged children and adults who were allowed to attend the fair for free.  Pretty cool.  But wait ... there were over 1,000 slices of cheese!!  

That's when the second adventure came about.  Seems the Eagles didn't want their concession stand (a huge one right across from the beer garden) so the Elks took it over.  I don't know who's idea THAT was, but I thought it to be a good one.

All the leftover food went straight to the refrigerators at the stand, along with a frantic Facebook message that they desperately needed help.  As I mentioned, the Dirty Thirty has turned into the Dirty Ten.  So that afternoon, I loaded up and headed to the fairgrounds.  

Parking is at a premium and it's a long walk from the lot to the stand.  I thought to try and finagle my way into the Sheriff's parking lot since he was helping us cook.  It worked.  I got a spot right up front with the shortest walk, still a quarter mile!!  As I made my way to the concession stand, I spotted the long line of what we are noted for.  Tractors and farming.

Hmmmmm I wonder why there's no one here?  I thought they were desperate for help!!

Concession row didn't have anyone around either?  What gives??

That's when I found out they were the ONLY concession open until 3:00 when the fairgrounds are open to the public.  They were swamped because it was show day for the kids and their animals, along with dozens of family members, all of whom were chomping at the bit to have our famous breakfast burritos.

The Sheriff was cooking potatoes, eggs, bacon, chorizo and sausage like crazy, with six other people putting them together and selling them for $5 each.  Such a deal!!  There was a line of 18 tickets on the string.  I jumped in with both feet.  I picked up completed orders and screamed out the window at the top of my lungs ... ORDER 54!!

Around noon, I turned around to find only four of us left.  Everyone had bailed.  BUT WAIT ... it's Saturday night, the biggest night of the fair!  I switched into overdrive as I slapped lettuce, tomatoes and onions on burgers and linguisa sandwiches, hollering out numbers as I filled huge cups of soda.   To say it was a madhouse is an understatement.

Early in the day concession row looked something like this.  I figured to get a time out long enough to hit up the ice cream stand, or at the very least, deep fried oreos.  There's nothing like fair food, a fitting reward for hard work.  Alas, it was 10:00 pm before there was any break in the action and my feet were killing me.  No ice cream for Nancy.  I just wanted to go home after eight hours on my feet.

By that time you couldn't even walk down the street because of the massive amount of people.  I slipped beyond one of the buildings and walked around the back side to get to my truck.  Next thing I know, there's a text message to PLEASE come back at 7:00 am.  

I hit the sheets immediately.  I was exhausted, except I really didn't know what exhausted was until the end of Sunday.  I'll relate the rest of the story tomorrow because today I'm taking ANOTHER long nap trying to recoup before Magic Kingdom Bingo time arrives.

Anyone have a magic remedy for sore achey feet??  I don't even need to look for the bottle of Advil, I tied it to my waist!!