Door Guard

 Oooooweeeee my freezing little toes!!  It's a cool 32 degrees this morning, meaning there's ice on the pumpkin, or at least on every blade of grass in my back yard.  I'm pretty sure there won't be any walking going on today!  It's okay though, because I walked three miles at the Elks Lodge.  No, not kidding.  Here's what happened.

On my way back from Arizona, I got a call about a crab feed.  It's kind of crazy that there are not one, but THREE huge crab feeds this time of year in our little town.  Bingo donated to this one, so we got tickets.  YES!!  I'M GOING!

Then of course, things happened, and the Jobs Daughters of the Masons organization requested the use of our Lodge Room for their big Miss California Jobs Daughters reception.  How could we refuse.  Or should I say, how could our GREAT LEADER refuse.  

HE of course was going to the CRAB FEED, along with all the other mucky mucks ... so that left you-know-who to babysit the big reception.  Yes, I parked in the Big guys parking spot!  It's a no-no, but I said yes-yes.

The problem was that even though I called the guy four times, he never returned my phone calls.  I had no idea WHEN they might arrive to set up.  I got there at 1:00 and waited.  By 2:30 I was making phone calls right and left.  That's when people finally started arriving ... not for the reception, but to set up for the 250 person Celebration of Life that had been scheduled downstairs. YIKES!

Finally, the Masons showed up.  I tried to be nice and bit my tongue.  As the girls showed up for their practice, I told everyone there were no drinks allowed in the Lodge Room.  This will come into play a little later.  

After setting up extra chairs, I opened the big stairway gate below so they could enter, and I left the building.

When I returned two hours later, the gate below was locked and there were a bunch of folks standing at the bottom of the stairs.  They had accidentally opened the wrong door and gone into the drunken brawl of the OTHER celebration with music so loud it made the building vibrate.  Oh yeah ... this is going well.  I had to go all the way around the entire building, to get to a point where I could open the gate.  

The next thing I knew, I'm posted at the top of the stairs as the Door Guard, directing girls and ladies in very long dresses (who were tripping all the way up the stairs) to the Lodge Room.  See that chair above?  It's automated to get folks who can't walk, UP the stairs.  No, I do NOT know how to use it.  Thank goodness the lady was very nice about it as I pushed every button there was.  I held my breath as I was sure it would not work, you know, due to the largeness .......

That's when the DOG showed up.  Umm excuse me ... we don't allow dogs in the building.  She completely ignored me and walked her dog, which wore a dress matching hers, into the room.  Nope, not kidding ... complete with matching bow and flowers.  There was no Service Dog collar, but what could I say?  You aren't even allowed to ASK about dogs any more.

The next girl came in with a HUGE cup of something.  I told her it was not allowed in the lodge room.  She was fine with it.  Oh but then the NEXT one came in.  I gave her my spiel.  She said WELL ... what if it's for MEDICAL purposes.  You need a one quart insulated drink cup for medical purposes?  Of course you are not allowed to question that either.  

So I told her she had to leave it UNDER her chair where no one could touch it or knock it over.  I also told her I knew drinks were not allowed in THEIR lodge room, nor were they allowed in OURS!  She walked off in a HUFF!  

So many folks showed up for this, including State dignitaries, that I had to round up 25 more chairs.  This place was packed to the brim!  With no extra seating, I sat outside and played with my phone until I was asked to come in and get a standing ovation for offering up our room.  Well that was nice, but I was thinking about all the lovely CRAB I was missing.  

90 minutes later they were done and heading out.  I turned off all the lights and was out the door, when I heard the banging.  Someone had lost one of their pins and wanted to go back and look for it.  No problem, back we went, but for the life of me I could not get the lights to turn back on.  It seems once they are off, you have to wait before trying it again.  So four of us wandered the dark room with our phone flashlights, searching for a tiny pin.  We found nothing.  I think maybe she lost it outside.  

I finally got home at 10:30 to the barking of my little critter.  It's so nice to be missed.  Next time we may think TWICE about offering up our Lodge Room.  I guarantee it won't be ME offering up my time because I'm going to be at the next CRAB FEED!!

IT'S SUPER BOWL SUNDAY, so you know where I will be!!  Watching the commercials!!  I hope your team WINS!!