Short And Sweet

It was a REALLY long drive to the fair and even longer when I headed back.  The first traffic jam on Highway 120 was due to fire.  The entire freeway intersection of I-5 and 120 was engulfed in flames and smoke.  Unlike most states, California doesn't mow the medians.  Add to that 20-25 mph winds and someone throwing out a cigarette and this is what you get.

But my story will have to wait.  Very early this morning I'm headed down to the Magic Kingdom of Elks kitchen to prepare for tomorrow's Mothers Day breakfast.  I'm pretty sure they had NOT heard about my latest disaster in the kitchen when they asked me to make the gravy.

Truly, this is a MAN'S job.  Someone with more arm power than I have and preferably someone TALL.  I imagine I'll be standing on a chair the whole time.  At least this morning I'll see what I'm up against (and if I can talk someone else into doing it) while panning waffles, biscuits, egg casseroles, hash browns, sausage and ham.

The real test will be to see if I can get my act together and be there by 6:30 tomorrow morning!!!

A Marathon Of A Meeting

I finally got a great night's sleep in my bed!  That little trick of exercising in the morning seems to be working on my hip.  I ran just a tad over a mile, impressing the kids waiting for their school bus with my rapid speed of a really slow jog.  

I spent hours and hours running through a nearby neighborhood when I was training for marathons.  It's pretty boring, in spite of changing the route every day.  It hasn't gotten any better.  The bankrupt house on the next street over is still bankrupt and a mess on the outside ... I can't imagine what the inside looks like!

There are still 25 people in one house with 9 cars parked out front and the guy who had wood chips delivered in place of lawn, still hasn't leveled them out after six years.  No matter, if it helps keep my hips swiveling, I'm okay with boring.

This is me and my friend after a grueling 26.2 miler in Sacramento in 35 degree weather with a little rain thrown in for good luck.  Everyone else was throwing off their jackets (they are donated to the homeless) ... we picked up two along with some gloves to keep from freezing!!  I finished in the required six hours, then drove two hours home.  

At any rate, all that prepared me for the brick wall I was up against last night at the Elks Lodge meeting.  I was worried about bringing the subject up ... I mean really, these guys are not going into the future without being drug like a calf on the end of a rope at branding time.

I arrived in time for the 6:00 meeting, which turned into a 7:00 meeting, which turned into an 8:00 meeting while they went into closed session to discuss another problem.  

Prince Charming came to my rescue and approached the subject.  I then dumped all my failed tickets on them, recounted the fight and our current request for the return of $100 that was never taken.  I recounted my "no official capacity" story, but got slammed for "who are you to contact our company".  

I invited them to Tuesday night Bingo to run the debit card machine.  How funny, they declined.  Finally I discovered I had an ace in the hole (a trustee member) who recommended I look into it and test the waters.  YAY for my side!! 

The two in charge finally said they had convinced Comcast something was wrong (it's been over a year this has been happening) and it was discovered instead of 5 separate lines, we only had three with two "hunter" lines, meaning when a call goes over them, they "hunt" for an open line.  In turn, that means credit/debit card machines do not work.  No kidding!!!  Supposedly they fixed it yesterday.  We shall see come Tuesday night.

With one last kick in my side, the one who had been "working" on it said he HAD been working on it, just so I KNOW.  Yeah ... for over a year with no results.  I think he got wind last Tuesday I was going to raise cain at the Board meeting and figured he better do something quick.  

At any rate, it all ended well.  If the machine doesn't work Tuesday night, I am now OFFICIALLY authorized to talk to the company and get a wireless unit for Bingo.  SUCCESS!!!!!  

I'm off this morning for a marathon day at the May Fair west of Sacramento.  I'm not really looking forward to all that driving, even if I DID get some sleep, but promised my friend I would go since I have declined her offer five times previously.  No worries, if I get tired, I'll just pull over for a quick nap!!

Paddling Through Treacherous Waters

Having been given only 48 hours to come up with a solution to our mini-me infernal machine at the Magic Kingdom, I dove in head first.  After an appointment in town, I went to the nearest car wash.  Strange you might say, but there's a local business called Prime Shine Car Wash that uses all hand held devices to check you in and print out a receipt in record time.

Three car washes later, I couldn't find anyone who knew anything about it.  I headed home and hit the computer.  Do you have any idea how many companies and systems there are out there?  I'm at a distinct disadvantage since the Lodge also uses it for the bar and restaurant area, meaning I'm not familiar with the whole operation.

I was definitely swimming upstream when I decided to call and find out what company our current credit/debit card system was with.  I looked them up online and was instantly drowning in all the information.  I called the company and spoke to a very helpful tech support girl who said she would look up our account.

WAIT ..... I'm not calling in any kind of official capacity (at least I don't feel like I am) and the waters I'm treading in are very treacherous.  These guys have told me for over a year that they are working on it.  Imagine if I found a solution in 48 hours.  They will take away my life jacket and wave goodbye.

So here's what I found.  It's the upgraded version of what we have, but here's the good part.  It not only takes regular cards, but chip cards too and even does the tap-your-debit card thing.  Better yet, it's wireless.  She said it would work within 300 feet of our router.  No problemo!!

We need three.  The first one will be switched for free, the second two cost $400 each.  That sounds reasonable enough to keep me afloat.

So tonight I'll put my life on the line at the Board Meeting and see just how far I can swim under water.  I'll be holding my breath the entire time!!  There will be no life ring throwing ... it's sink or swim.

I thought this a good representation of what I should be.  Soft and fuzzy but with feet that can kill.  Just look at those claws?  This was one of several babies that needed fostering not long ago.  I'm going into zen mode and I'll be channelling baby barn owl tonight.

But first, I'm going to crash on the couch.  Miss Jessie was up sick all night long, not to mention my sciatic nerve was screaming at me.  I think I'll sit on an ice pack ... it will keep me cool until tonight.

The Magic Kingdom ... Yay, Wow, Oh Boy!!!

Another wonnerful, wonnerful night in the Magic Kingdom of Bingo.  I spent all day gearing up and psyching myself out to be nice to the peasants and not throw the mini me infernal machine into the moat.

The King and his crew met upstairs around the round table for sustenance to improve our countenance.  It seemed to have worked.  We were all geared up to not care what happened.

As the peasants crowded in to get their winning tickets with the perfect numbers on them, we slam banged the cash and sent them to the dungeon to secure their lucky spot at the table, moving chairs around until they had their favorite to sit in.  The peasants are serious about Bingo.  I would be too if I spent that much money on it every week.  They average $300 a month, some upwards of $500.

Even the mini me was in good spirits.  It only crashed and declined ten transactions out of thirty, but some cards had to be run four times before they worked.  The lady that caused such a stink last time, brought cash.  Smart girl.

When we discovered the King was leaning towards getting a "square" to run all those debit cards, I jumped up in protest.  This is a huge business, between lunch every day of the week and dinners twice a week for upwards of 100 people.  We really need a professional system.

We put our heads together.  The light bulb went off in my head.  Why don't we find a business in town ... possibly a restaurant ... and see what they use.  Who has a wireless system?

You may not have heard of them, but we have a company called Prime Time Car Wash.  The guy literally went from washing cars for people in his back yard to a huge business with many locations.  They use wireless point-of-sale.  Why don't we talk to him?

So of course I was nominated to check out their system.  I have all of 36 hours to gather info before presenting it to the Lodge Board.  Otherwise, I'm going to be stuck with the square.

I also instituted the happy rain dance, required to be performed by every peasant with a plastic card.  At least we have less canceled transactions that way and it kept our spirits up.  You would be surprised how many peasants complied.  Instead of mumbling and grumbling (and that's just from me) we had the whole line laughing right up to Bingo time.

With no exercise for two days now, my hip is back to acheville, so I'm off to hit the pavement.  Wish me luck on the quest for a new debit card system.

Will Wonders Never Cease!

What a disheartening revelation!  I just discovered I'm more than a levi hoarder ... I'm a hoarder of cookbooks!!  Way WAY back in the old days when girls weren't allowed to do MAN things, like join FFA (Future Farmers of America), show cattle at the fair, or go to Veterinarian School, my only alternative was to join 4-H and learn to cook.

Not that I didn't know how, because my parents started making me take over chores when I was VERY young.  Child labor I call it, which is probably why I'm a responsible person today.  Too bad more parents don't do that.

Anyway, I was baking cakes from scratch when I was probably seven years old, only because they had not invented cake mix in a box yet.  I can't tell you how many pots of cowboy beans I cooked in the deep well pot on the stove while standing on a chair leaning over the two front burners that were cooking something else.  Not once did I catch on fire.

There was only one cookbook in the house back then, and that was Betty Crocker.  Top shelf right, there are five Betty Crocker cookbooks ... mine, my mothers, my grandmothers, etc.  I blame them for my penchant for cookbooks, and of course 4H because their only alternative was raising chickens.

I'm truly not that great at hoarding since ten years ago I got rid of over half of my stash.  This is all that's left, leaving me LOTS of room for more!!  Instead of sitting down and reading a detective novel, I read cookbooks.  Hope springs eternal that I will absorb something from them that will improve my skills at keeping the smoke alarm from going off.  So far no luck!!

On the other hand, I did have some very good luck when Miss Terry emailed a recipe for carnitas that did not require a gallon of lard.  How cool is that?  Thus the latest edition to my hoard.  I can't wait to try out some recipes.  

Here's one you won't believe!  Remember that o-ring I wanted for the kitchen sink faucet?  I can't believe it came in my post office box yesterday.  You know why?  It was addressed to my street address, which the Post Office refuses to deliver to, but when they saw my name, they actually threw it in the p.o. box instead of returning it to Delta.  Will wonders never cease!!

Here's the kicker though ... I gave Delta the model number of the faucet and they sent the wrong part. First off, all I wanted was the aerator INSIDE the nozzle.  They sent the entire nozzle ... that's it on the left.  MY nozzle is on the right.  Not exactly the same size!

So THIS is why it was $21.  Lucky for me, they sent it at no charge.  I'm stealing the washer out of it and putting it in my leaky bathroom sink faucet. 

In an effort to keep at least the front yard looking nice this summer, I picked up new sprinkler heads.  It will give the gardener new targets for his lawn mowing machine.  I haven't figured out how to install them yet, but I'm guessing it requires a shovel.  Another house project ... will wonder never cease!!

It's that time again, the magical, Camelot-like Magic Kingdom of Bingo.  The Castle Lawyer and I met up LAST night for an evening of target shooting at the new range just a mile from my house.  We did great as we each imagined someone's Bingo face on the target!!  But that's another story!

GUARANTEED!!!

Things that are guaranteed to last a lifetime, probably won't.  That's one life lesson I've learned again and again.  Just when you need it, it doesn't work.  That's how my morning began after sleeping in my wonderful soft bed!  

I didn't get as much space as I really wanted, nor as much sleep, but it was definitely better than the floor or the couch!!  I slept in until 4:47.  As soon as I stood up, it dawned on me the sprinklers had not come on for a couple of days.  I grabbed my trusty GUARANTEED-to-work flashlight and went outside to check the control box.

The light flickered twice before going dark.  Luckily, they came in a 3-pack.  I had two more chances to light up the world.  Number three worked.  

The sprinklers did not.  Two more geysers meant another trip to Home Depot and a reminder of why I really need a man around the house.  Two of the packages I picked up from the box with the correct description of what I wanted, were NOT what I wanted.  I didn't notice until I got home.  I need half patterns, not full patterns.  

While there I figured to get a mailbox.  Online, it said this store had four to choose from.  In the store however there was only one locking box.  I know better than to read the side of the box and believe it.  It said "can be mounted on a post".  

This is not my bailiwick.  I called for an Associate who I'm pretty sure knew less than me, but I'm desperate for a mailbox.

He insisted this was the "post" required.  I was thinking more 4x4 redwood.  $187 dollars later, I left with both.  After reading all the instructions, this will work, but must be the correct height or the Post Office won't deliver.  Like they ever "deliver" anyway.  No matter, I'm excited to get it in the ground.

It's not going to be very far in the ground, only about twelve inches.  That just doesn't sound like enough, so my idea is to make the hole deeper, dump in half the quickrete with a quick stir, then set the post and use the rest of the cement.  Sound reasonable?  I have my doubts.  

If this turns out anything like my cooking, I'm in trouble.  Maybe the post will slip OVER a 4x4.  I'm going to measure.  That would be a MUCH better solution, GUARANTEED.

With my stack of returnables on the counter, I decided dinner would be fresh salmon.  At least it was fresh when I put it in the freezer.  It was cooking away beautifully when the door bell rang.  No one comes to my door, so I was suspicious.  The dogs went crazy!!

There stood four kids selling tickets for something.  It's usually for school stuff and I always buy.  This time it was for the political campaign of their Aunt's sister's husband's second cousin, or something like that.  How could I turn them down?  I bought ONE ten dollar raffle ticket, GUARANTEED to win a 20-gauge shotgun.  Did I mention he was running for School Superintendent?

WAIT!!  My salmon!!!!!  I rushed into the kitchen to find it rather on the burnt side.  I love crusty cooked salmon, but this was a tad overdone.  Oh well ... at least the middle was edible!

I finished sewing the last few squares of this quilt ... another one guaranteed to make you go blind.  I'm hoping Joanna will check it out and let me know if any squares need to be moved BEFORE I stitch it together.  I actually did find one error already.  

Early this morning I'm heading out for a short run.  My hips have been bothering me, actually keeping me awake at night.  I'm hoping exercise versus sitting on the couch all day, will help loosen things up.  I'm thinking sciatica?  In which case you are NOT supposed to run, but it seemed to help yesterday, so I'm hitting the road again.  It should also help mitigate those pieces of key lime pie I ate, GUARANTEED!!

A Typical Day Of Baking

TO CEMETERY OR NOT TO CEMETERY ..... That is the question!!

With an RV Rally coming up, I have been looking for easier recipes to make for our dinners.  I found three to test drive yesterday.  First up ... Key Lime Pie.  I've made REAL key lime pie in the past and this is NOT it.  But it's quick and requires no baking.

I'm always a little leery around zesting implements, but managed to get three limes done without any blood.  Kudos to me!!  The rest is just whipping together sweetened condensed milk, cream and cream cheese along with a little lime juice.

But first ... we must make the crust.  Has anyone purchased graham crackers recently?  Did you notice the crackers themselves have magically shrunk but the price has stayed the same?  So has the box.  Seriously, they are giving us three quarters the product in the same size box for the same amount of money.  Where it used to take one sleeve to make a crust, it took TWO this time.

Mixed together with butter and pressed into my pan, I was on a roll.  I did discover one small detail later.  The recipe forgot the sugar in the pie crust and it really needs it.

Five minutes later it was all whipped up and ready for the fridge.  Give it five hours or better yet, overnight.  I couldn't wait that long to taste it.  Not bad ... not bad at all, once I was able to get it out of the pan using two knives and a spatula!  It's actually quite tasty ... a hit in my book.  I'll crush the crackers before I go, keeping them in a zip lock bag.  This will be a quick and easy dessert.

NOT to cemetery.  It's a keeper!

This picture just before I cut a big slice.  

You've probably all seen the recipe on Facebook for lemon zucchini bread.  It looks amazing and would be a great addition to the continental breakfast.  

You'll be shocked to know I didn't grate any extra protein into the bowl.  I think that's a first for me.  This recipe calls for olive oil.  I'm not a fan, but since I didn't have the almond milk, I figured I better keep to the recipe as much as possible.    

By the way, pay no mind to that big piece of cheese stuck inside the grater that my dishwasher didn't wash out.  I finally got it clean by stabbing it with a knife until it said uncle.  

I wasn't quite so lucky with the lemon zest, requiring two bandaids before I was done.  

You don't even need a mixer for this recipe .... just a whisk and a stir.  I thought to try my rarely used mini bundt pan.  THAT was a big mistake.  Once the holes were all filled, I discovered it didn't fit in my Breville countertop oven.  Luckily ... and I was lucky that day ... when I took the rack out, the edges of the pan fit perfectly into the grooves.  Almost anyway, it took a little forcing.

Forty five minutes later they were done to perfection.  It took two screwdrivers and a long knife to get  the pan out of the oven.  Another thin knife and fifteen minutes of prying and banging on the counter resulted in six beautiful little cakes, except for the one that half stuck in the pan.  

As I turned around to put the empty pan in the sink, I discovered a paper bowl on the counter.  Yup ... the one with the lemon zest in it!  Oh good grief!!  I forgot to fold in the lemon zest.  It will be okay, I told myself.  I'll put the zest in the frosting drizzle instead.

As the yucky pan soaked in the sink ... I was NOT looking forward to washing that mess ... I cut one cake in half and took a big bite.  In two seconds it was on the floor, mostly because I missed the trash can when I spit it out.  

Heavens to Betsy!!!  The olive oil must have been WAY past the date.  That was the most horrible rancid tasting piece of cake EVER.  The lemon zest would not have helped, even if I DID remember to put it in!!!

TO CEMETERY WITH A CAPITAL C!

To add insult to injury, it took me almost thirty minutes to get this pan washed.  In spite of all the oil and flower I put in the wells, that stuff stuck like glue!!

It was just a typical day of baking in my kitchen.  I've got one more recipe to try out ... a chocolate no-bake cream pie.  I think I'll wait a couple of days until my fingers heal up.

Forty Three To Go!!

My name is Nancy and I'm a hoarder.  Not your typical stuff, I hoard Cowgirl stuff.  It's probably in a misguided attempt to keep everything RANCH in my life.  Truthfully, it's because I was just DEAD SURE I would lose those few pounds and fit back into them.  After all, levis are made of indestructible material and last forever.

Some of these have lasted for over 30 years in my closet.  Crazy, right?  I wore all of these with pride because of my skinny marathon-running figure.  Not so much any more.  I discovered I have nothing in my closet that works for warm weather.  I headed out to Dress Barn, the one place I swore I would never step foot in.

Truth is, it's the only place in 30 miles to buy decent women's clothing.  I tried on all kinds of things I thought I would hate, mostly because I really don't like the "old lady" stuff they carry.  I may be old, but I'm still young in my brain!!

Ninety minutes later I had four skorts which I love ... looks like a skirt but it's shorts.  Follow that with three pair of capris.  I only found two shirts I would wear out in public.  Everything ran about $35 each.

Open an account and you get 10% off, plus I had coupons, plus three items were on sale.  There were so many discounts, the grand total came to a tad over $100.  SCORE!!

Once home, I had to make room for the capris and skorts in my armoire.  Might I say it's huge and a very old antique (it actually breaks down into six pieces for ease of moving) and was full to the brim with levis.  Those same ones I've been trying to get back into for the last 30 years.

Time to get rid of the old, Nancy.  I dumped them all on the floor.  But wait!!!!  I might fit into some of them since I just lost a few pounds.  An hour later I was exhausted.  Good grief ... some of these still had the tags on them but SOME of them actually did fit!!  YAY!!

I'm embarrassed to say there are 43 pair in this big pile that have to go.  The thought did cross my mind to cut them up and make a quilt, but that would be a shame and a big waste of perfectly good levis.  There is certainly enough material, as they are almost all BIG bell bottom jeans.  I told you they were old!!

Cowgirls like their jeans to cover their boots, thus the big bells.   It helps keep the stickers out, keeps your boots clean and it covers your spurs so they don't get caught on something and make you fall down.  I bet you didn't know that little trick!

Unfortunately, that only cleared out half the armoire.  I'm still a hoarder with at least that many more remaining.  I know I will probably never fit back into them, but I just can't let them go all at once.  I have to say though, there's nothing like trying on that many jeans that do NOT fit over your hips to help jump start the diet regime again!!

I spent the rest of the afternoon still nursing my stomach that felt like I got kicked by a horse.  I'm NEVER EVER eating that much again!!!  A little sewing helped take my mind off it.  I finished the binding on this minky-backed beauty.  It's sooooooo soft!!!  

FINALLY the day has come.  At the end of THIS day I get to sleep back in my bed.  Jessie is no longer limping.  I'm also at my wits end with Cooper getting me up at 4:00 am to play the ball game.  

P.S.  The Giants beat the Atlanta Braves 9-4 ... the winningest (is that a word?) team in their league right now.  Even with their best pitcher and our team of rag tag guys (most of our starting pitchers are out hurt), they played a GREAT game.  GO GIANTS!!

The Spoils Of War

There's nothing like waking up to a soggy wet ball being shoved in your ear while trying to eek out the last couple minutes of sleep on the couch.  This kid jumps down around 3:30 am, and not so quietly plays with his ball until he decides it's time I join in the fun.

I'm determined it's back to the bedroom tonight since he's afraid to jump down from atop the bed.  I have a large ottoman I'll set up at the end for Jessie ... not that she'll use it, but I REALLY need some good sleep.

I spent most of the day sewing and working in the back yard.  I discovered three of the sprinklers the gardeners fixed were not working at all.  Come on guys, you're going to let a WOMAN show you how to fix them??  Today I'll hit up Lowes if I can gather up the strength after last night's fun at the Elks Cinco de Mayo party.  

Carnitas is one of the best foods on the planet.  Our construction crew, all from Mexico, would cook up the most fabulous meal imaginable in a big copper pot.  Twice a year they would buy a pig, bring their pots out to the rock plant and spend all day cooking.  Lard is the name of the game!

Once the lard was hot enough, they dumped in big pieces of pork and let it cook until you could see the browning around the edges.  Next they dumped in a huge bottle of coca cola.  When the meat was cooked just right, they took it out with tongs and dunked it into a big pot filled with lime juice and water ... to cut the grease they said.  

Honestly, it was the best carnitas ever, nestled in corn tortillas with hot salsa, Mexican rice and homemade refried beans.  YUM YUM!!

What they cooked last night, also in copper pots, was close, but not quite as flavorful.  That didn't keep me from stuffing my face however.  Lucky for me, one tortilla was burned beyond recognition so I only ate two.  In no time I was miserable!!!  It just takes too long for the brain to say enough.  By the time it all hit bottom, I was in serious trouble.

The perfect time to sit through a raffle.  One of the guys gave me half his tickets.  The first time they called my number I didn't believe it.  I never win at these things.  They deposited a beautiful bottle of tequila in front of me.  

Then they called one of my numbers AGAIN!  This time a bottle of somebody Rosa red wine.  I slid that bottle to the guy on the right.  For the third time, one of my numbers was called.  Maybe I should be heading to Vegas!!  A huge case of Corona was placed in front of me.  I slid that to the guy on the right again .... after all, he paid for the tickets.

The last grand prize was two tickets to a Giants Baseball game in June.  It was won by one of my Bingo cohorts who is a diehard Cubs fan.  They're yours he said.  YOURS!!  I accepted gracefully and slid the bottle of tequila over to him.  A good trade he said.  Talk about the spoils of war .... I came home loaded!!

I checked the seat numbers on the tickets, since where you sit is all important.  Having been a season ticket holder, I knew the park like the back of my hand.  Not the best seats, but who cares, it's Giants Baseball.  That's when a lady came running up begging me to switch prizes with her.  

She was there because one of her kids had won over $200 for writing an essay for the Elks about patriotism.  That ranks pretty high in my book.  She said her family actually had tickets to that game, but not enough for all five to attend.  If I switched with her, they could all go.  How could I turn her down?

I checked with the guy who gave them to me and he agreed I should switch.  Definitely not a good trade, since I came home with another lunch box, some solar pathway lights, an LED motion sensor light, a bottle of Merlot and a key knife ... who's ever seen a key knife???  

It's okay though, she was thrilled, jumping up and down hugging me, while her whole family poured out thank you's.  Where's the Merlot?  It went the way of the tequila.

What ruined the night was cupcakes!!  I was already full and miserable, just looking forward to unbuttoning my too tight pants, when out came a huge box to celebrate birthdays of three officers.  Try as I might to abstain, they were having none of it.  My stomach still hurts nine hours later, not to mention my purple tongue that didn't go away even after brushing my teeth!!

I'm going to set up the solar lights, install the LED motion detector somewhere and try out my new knife.  The bag will be thrown in the closet along with the other nine I currently have.  A bottle of Rolaids should round out the morning nicely.

Shrinkage!!

In spite of my best efforts, sleeping on the couch with the puppies hasn't been my greatest idea.  It's only out of necessity that I require a lower-to-the-ground bed.  A couple days ago, just before the stitches came out, Jessie Belle jumped off the couch and hurt her OTHER front leg.  She's been limping around ever since.  There's no way I could keep her from jumping off my much higher bed.  I'm here to say the couch is much improved over the floor, however.

I've tried all kinds of steps, including my big ottoman.  If she's going to jump, she could use that.  But NO ..... she goes through all kinds of contortions to go around everything I put up.  Here we were yesterday, watching the baseball game, just before I fell asleep.  Attached at the hip!!

She's definitely on the mend.  This is her four inch long zipper leg, minus the zipper staples.  It's looking MUCH better and has shrunk up considerably.  YAY for shrinkage!

My breakfast, on the other hand, could use a little LESS shrinkage.  I mean really, this is a sad state of affairs.  I grabbed a package of pre-cooked bacon, but when I got home, it had turned into this.  Microwave-in-a-package bacon.  

It took two minutes to shrink these nice slices into miniature pieces less than half the original size.  I probably should have bought the real thing, but I just didn't feel like dealing with the bacon grease mess.  

In the old days, we had a can on the stove for grease.  Mom and I used it almost every day in cooking fried potatoes, fried meat and fried vegetables.  When the world discovered frying was bad for you, the can went bye-bye.  I LOVE bacon, but not the resulting mess, even when using a sheet pan in the oven.  THIS is a LOT of shrinkage!  It was also mighty tasty!!!

Before it got too warm outside, I began the daunting task of shrinking everything inside the belly of the beast in order to fit two big tables in for the next RV rally.  It may look like there is tons of storage space underneath my rig, but looks can be deceiving.  The bad news is that it's all necessary stuff.

I had two big containers holding sewer hoses and extension cords, along with jack pads and a few 2x6's for leveling.  All that had to be moved and shrunk down to fit elsewhere.  The big box of Indio Rally stuff went in the garage, along with my dutch ovens.  The tables still didn't fit.  Too bad I can't shrink THESE down!!

There is one other compartment they fit into, but only if you angle them and wrangle them in.  This will be the last time Nancy takes the tables with her.  I'll be heading to Northern California before too long.

In the meantime, I'm trying to shrink the size of my back yard lawn in order to lower the gardening bill and the electrical bill for my well that waters it.  It's not looking good unless I do most of the work myself.  It's going to cost twice as much to take it out as it did to put it in.  That's definitely expansion.  Similar to my weight ... it seems expansion is SO much easier than shrinkage!!

The Full Moon Is Bleeding Over

The lovely light from the almost full moon shining down on the Elks Lodge caused havoc.  It doesn't take much in the Magic Kingdom of Bingo.  It's kind of like the Cops show on TV.  You never know what's going to happen.

I first received a text message from my partner in crime, the Castle Lawyer, that she was sick and dizzy, meaning she wasn't going to show up.  She called our friend the Stand-in who gives up her evening of playing bingo to help out.  I'm always thrilled because she knows what she's doing!!

Instilled with energy from TWO coca colas, I set up the table and cash register.  Let the games begin!!  All went not quite so well as I struggled to get the first thirty people through the line alone.  The Stand-in was a little late, but no problem, I can handle it!!

That's when the crowds arrived.  The King decided to play an extra pull tab game with a payout of $1199.  The first of the month is always packed to the gills since payday has hit the bank.  Add to that another 50 people when word gets around about the two hot ball pots, $1199 and $954 respectively.  That plus all my payouts adds up to some hefty prizes.

We were humming right along until the mini me calculator went haywire, as it has been doing for the last six months.  It did it's unsolicited reversal routine.  The lady wasn't happy about that at all!  She checked her phone and said it went through.  Thoughts of being in a fistfight went through my head.  She was much taller and three times my size.  I was going to lose.

I apologized, but my machine said it was cancelled.  The full moon effect jumped into overdrive when I said I would have to run it again.  She began yelling at me saying I was NOT going to take ANOTHER $74 from her.  She wanted her first $74 back but was keeping the Bingo cards.

I tried to explain that nothing had come from her account but she waved her phone in my face and began to scream at the men to make that #$%@#!! lady give her the money back.  I politely refused since it never went through in the first place, as I had flashbacks of being bullied in high school.  Weird the things you remember.  We stood at impasse until the King finally showed up!

I can't go by your phone he said.  I have to go by the machine.  Either she runs your card again or you don't play Bingo.  Oh -- okay she said sweetly.  No problem!  WHAT????  You've been screaming at me and everyone else for ten minutes to give you your money back!!  I ran the card again and it worked.

An hour later she sidled up to the King and said she might have been wrong because it didn't appear to have gone through after all.  All that ruckus over nothing!!  That's Bingo for you!!

The next guy in line made me feel really good.  He said I was right not to give her any money back and I handled it very nicely.  See ... there ARE nice people out there.

The rest of the night went swimmingly and the infernal machine balanced to the penny.  I wish I could say the same for my stomach.  One of the perks of working Bingo is the goodies the ladies bring.  I've learned my lesson not to eat things cooked in people's kitchens, because, well you never know how clean they are.

Packaged things are good.  Or maybe not so much.  I received this yellow package of Korean crackers with writing I couldn't read.  Yummy honey sesame crispy morsels of deliciousness.  I ate the whole package, about 15 very thin pieces.  I brought the package home hoping I could find out what they are and order some more.

Or not ......... I was awakened at 2:00 am when my stomach started cramping up like wringing out a washcloth.  There's only three possibilities ... the cheeseburger, the crackers or the full moon.  Lets just say I won't be eating anything else any time soon.  Good grief by 4:00 am I was almost rolling on the floor.

Somewhat improved, I'll be on the couch for the duration!!  

OH NO! A Full Moon!!!

The full moon conjures up images of witches, howling wolfmen and E.T., along with a huge group of bingo players.  It's good luck of course!  Although it was night before last, that doesn't make it any less powerful.  Add to that it's the first of the month, meaning payday, and we will be bombarded with peasants tonight.  It's okay, it's all for a very good cause.  Last week it was the Relay for Life.  This week Children's Hospital in Fresno and next week the burn center.

So I couldn't let the night go by without taking a few moon pictures.

First thing in the morning, Miss Jessie went to get her stitches out.  Half her front leg had staples making it look like a zipper.  Once home, she slept on the couch for several hours.  It didn't take long for her to recover, since at exactly 3:00 pm she was up and begging for food.   

I'd show you a picture, but it's still pretty gnarly looking.  This morning she is limping less on her OTHER front leg, so hopefully we're on the mend.  The night on the couch wasn't bad at all.  In fact, it may just be more comfortable than my bed!!  Weirdly, it seems quieter, probably because Jessie isn't going in and out the bedroom doggie door.

The luck filled full moon did bring some wonderful news to my house.  My accountant called to say I'm getting a TAX REFUND!  Can you believe it?  I've paid through the nose for so long I didn't even know what a refund was!!  

Of course it's all because of the Arizona Rental.  As much as I could have a blast spending it, that windfall will stay in the bank as a cushion against further taxes.  I learned that lesson the hard way.

One small piece of bad luck snuck through the moon's influence however.  The o-rings/washers missing from my Delta faucets.  I have an entire house full of faucets with no washers.  That means water squirts out over the thingy you screw on that contains the screen.

It's called an aerator.  I've spent hours scanning the internet AND local hardware stores to no avail.  I finally called Delta who said they don't make washers ... they only make aerators with washers, meaning they are going to stick their hand deep in my pocket for $20 each.  Are you kidding me?

That's $120 for 20 cents worth of washers.  Sweet man that he was, he finally said he would send me one for free to see if it worked.  If it did, he would sell me the rest for half price.  I gave him my Post Office box number.  Oh no .... we HAVE to have a physical address.  

Another long winded explanation of the mail fiasco followed, whereupon he said "no problem ... we ship UPS right to your door".  Okay then!!  Send it out!!

But wait!!  You are in California, and we can't ship these to California because you have rules about how much water is allowed to come out of the faucet.  WHAT????????  Yup ... it's true.

He finally found the correct part and the sale was made.  I waited patiently until I decided to check the tracking information.  Four days into the process, UPS transferred the tiny part to the U. S. Post Office.  That means it will be rejected due to incorrect address.  

You would think they could just stick it in my box, right?  But NO ... they will send it back, probably in about three weeks, with a note telling Delta the CORRECT address, which they won't mail to because it's a P. O. Box.  

So tonight I'm going to beg like I've never begged before to get someone from the Elks to come help me install a mail box at my house.  Remember the neighbor knocked it down?  So much trouble over a tiny 20 cent washer!!!  But then it IS a full moon!!!